Blacks are in an abusive relationship with America

In this episode Terence discusses the striking similarities between the dynamics in an abusive relationship and how Black Americans are treated in America. 

The battle for power and control has been a fabric of American society since its inception and Blacks have been fighting for equal standing and opportunity throughout the history of America. 

Transcript

Unknown: 0:04

I could do to do all came a long way. And I could do I could do all I can do. I'm not afraid of the moment I'm not afraid to show get up in the morning. Hi guys.

Terence Shigg: 0:31

Welcome back to the peace project by Terence Shigg. Today we're going to be discussing what I have termed that black Americans are in a, an abusive relationship with America. And I'll go into depth and I'll explain why I believe that and what we need to do to get out of it. I'll be right back after this message and

Dwayne E. Shigg: 0:59

we'll get into get into the topic for today. Let your legacy begin today drink mongoose water. mongoose water gets his name from legendary Light Heavyweight Champion Archie Moore. He was called the mongoose because of his agility and stamina. Do you have trouble staying hydrated and energized during your workouts? Does it always seem like you're thirsty, tried mongoose water, it is refreshing and rejuvenating. It has an alkaline level of 8.5 to 9.5 training like the best drink the best mongoose water coming soon to a store near you go to WWW.mongoosewater.com. That's www.mongoosewater.com. Okay, we're back. And today's topic,

Terence Shigg: 1:48

like I said before is I believe that black people are in an abusive relationship with America. And first of all, I guess I have to say that I am not trying to minimize abusive relationships and those that are in them. I'm not trying to make light of them, I'm not trying to, to minimize them. Those are these are serious situations that safety, mental and physical safety of all people involved should be a priority. And those relationships that don't have that type of bond and agreement need work to achieve that and accomplished. So I'll say that from my therapy with my therapy hat on, I'll put it that way. So why would I say something like that, that black people are in an abusive relationship with America and in even saying it, it's still it's difficult to, to get out because I know there's gonna be those out there that are gonna have a have a fit, because someone is comparing this but think about it. Think think about what that means. And you can go online, you can see all the power and control wheel the rules of abuse. And I used to teach a anger management class or domestic violence class where men specifically were mandated into this course to learn about abusive relationships. And the premise was that if they learned about it, and they learn better communication skills and coping mechanisms, that it would decrease the probability, these things reoccurring within their relationships. And now, that wasn't the mission, you know, according to the county that sent them to us or the judge. But the way that I saw it, that was my mission, it wasn't to, to absolve them from what they've done. It wasn't to give them an excuse, and help them justify doing it in the future. It was really to give them information and help them to develop their compassion and their empathy and their communication skills and their ability to problem solve, along with coping skills so that they could better handle whatever situation came in the future. And I know one of the things I really learned from teaching that class from the individuals from the men that came to my class was that this was something that affected people across all spectrums of of life. So you had veterans, you had teachers, you have businessmen, you had entrepreneurs, you had black, white, Asian, Hispanic, you had every every segment of America that you could think about that exists, would be in that class at one point or another. The highly educated the minimally educated, the highest to graduate the PhD, I mean, every group that you can think of, as far as males came through that course. And I really learned that it was a process, it took them a while to let go of their defenses, before they can actually even take in the information that, that I was trying to give to them that I was trying to teach them. And I think the great thing about the class is what everybody started at a different time. So it wasn't like, Okay, everybody, day one is the first class and then the 52nd class, everybody leaves when we start a new, no, you had people that be their first class, and then some people would be their 26th class, and some people would be their fifth class. So it was a little bit it was a mixture. And the thing about that, that that produced was it produced an environment of people are at different stages of development within one classroom. We say that, again, you had people of different stages of development, one classroom, so you have people that weren't in there that were still, I didn't do anything wrong, she set me up. This is just the way, you know, society thinks that men are so the judge didn't like me, everything you could think of, to some at the end, were able to accept their piece of responsibility for what had happened, and had the skills and knowledge to minimize the chances that it would happen again. And there was this shift throughout the class throughout the course, that you could see them start to, to let go of that defensiveness, defensiveness and accept, okay, I do have some power in this situation. So now let's, let's take that microcosm, that small class of 10, to 10, to 12 people. And let's blow that up into millions of people. Right now we have a society. And we have black people in America, that are in different stages of development, different stages of acceptance, different stages of belief, different stages of defensiveness, and different stages of action. But I submit to you that all of all of us are in the throes of an abusive relationship. All of us have been blamed for our own shortcomings, or the shortcomings of society at one point or another in the history of this country, be it slavery, or Jim Crow laws, or you, your people need to take care of each other and stop killing each other before you can say that black lives matter. That's to me is a sense of blaming, blaming black people for exclusively for their own problems. Now, I'm not saying there's difference between taking responsibility and being blamed for so we can discuss that later, being humiliated by your aggressor, I'll say. And that comes in the form of being less than it was even written into the constitution at one point that we were less than a full human being. So the history of this country has done all of these abusive things to us. One of the other signs of an abusive relationship is control to your access to money. So think about it. If there are rules in place to say that it's more difficult for you to obtain the resources, and the loans or whatever it is needed to start your own business to grow your own business, if, as a people, we are charged more an interest rate, as a people our credit is were deemed less credit worthy in the neighborhoods that we live in, are less credit worthy. So therefore, there are less investments in those communities, those communities then isn't, in essence, our control to the access of money being being controlled, meaning our ability to access those resources being controlled. So a lot of these things that are indicative of an abusive relationship apply to us as black Americans. And apply. Just like I talked about that microcosm and that small group that was in different stages. We're in different stages, too. So some of us are in the denial stage to say that no, this isn't happening. That, we just need to, you know, pull ourselves up from our bootstraps, and we need to get out there and do everything our do it on our own, just like our counterparts are doing out there, we just need to be better and take care of ourselves and stop doing this and stop. Okay, you can make that argument. And then there's others in that stage of, Okay, I see the systemic things that have occurred and that are occurring. And I need to, I need to know the rules of the game, I need to learn more and educate myself more so that I can, I can mitigate those things that are being used against me, because there are things that are being used against you. And then that final stage is there are those that have said, Okay, I take responsibility for my portion of it for the decisions that I've made that have inhibited me from being successful from being a productive member of society. And I have now educated to know that there are things that were put in place, specifically to hinder me from recognizing and achieving those things. And with my new skills, and my new abilities, this is going to allow me to move forward. And that's that, that other that final stage. And that final stage is always up to us, meaning we take the information, but what you do with it, is totally up to you. You can take that information and say that all white people are horrible, and they're bad, and they're evil. Or you can take that information and go Okay, I'm going to take responsibility, so that I know that I will have control over my life, and I can teach my children to, to be in control of their lives. And I can give them an environment that will teach them what it looks like to be in control. And no matter what systems are out there, if you know the rules, then you can mitigate the things that inhibit you from being successful in those in those environments. And that's, that's what it's about. And that, to me is what this whole piece project is about. It's about taking, taking control, and being educated and taking action, then all these different areas that are targeted at uplifting black people, communities, and all people eventually, because as I said at the beginning, I am specifically speaking and talking about something that I believe will help black people specifically. But the rules and principles of this do not just apply to black people, they apply to indigenous people, Latin people. And it applies to Asian people, white people, anybody can use these principles. I'm just saying that right now I'm speaking specifically for the group that I am a part of, in a in a way that I hope will help to uplift them and bring us into an equal ground so that we can help others and lift other people up. So and the reminder that the the peace project includes not only part of politics, but individual responsibility, educational component, a community component and an economic component. And so if you look at all of those pieces within this, this realm of an abusive relationship and how you get out of it, you have to kind of break it down, just like I've learned. And I learned over the years of taking those classes is that those who are in those types of relationships, be it the abuser or the person that is being abused. Seeing that relationship as something that is I don't know if the right word is benefit beneficial to them, but it fulfills something for them. And I know you say well, how could being in an abusive relationship benefit anyone in any way? Well, there's many different ways psychologically, if you think about it, there's a sense of not necessarily a sense of comfort, but a sense of knowing meaning there's a cycle to these things, and there's a sense of comfort and knowing what is going to occur. So these types of relationship provide for both sides. adds a level of not just comfort but a level of knowing and then a level of, of assurance that, okay, this is what I'm used to, and this is what's going to happen, and it's going to continue to repeat. So there's a level of comfort in knowing the system and knowing what happens, whether you agree with it or not. And that's the same thing, what we're, we're talking about from a national standpoint is, you know, this system, you may not know the rules, but you know, what to expect, you know, that in you, I should say, you think you know what to expect, and you have a, an expectation that is fulfilled in each time that these things occur.

Unknown: 15:56

And I'll say that for black Americans is that, that fulfillment of things are, okay, this is how America thinks of us. And therefore, I can't get ahead because they have put these systems in place specifically for to keep me from to keep me down. That's that whole the man mentality, the man's done this demands on that, there's a level of comfort in that because there's a level of, and that's, I think, it's a piece of it, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that's, that's all of it, but there's a piece that gives gives some of us an excuse to say that, okay, I'm, I didn't get that job because

Terence Shigg: 16:41

of my, because I'm black, and that person doesn't like black people. Without the responsibility to go, Okay, I didn't get that job. Because I'm black, my person doesn't like black people. But I can create my own job, where I control what I have, and what my income is, by learning the game of business and entrepreneurs by learning, accounting, and resources by learning these things, yes, they, they, it may be more difficult for you. But that is not an excuse not to go out there and do it because once you do it, then you're going to make it easier for that next person to do it. So breaking this cycle of abuse is part awareness, part, education, and part action. So the awareness is recognizing that this is what this system is doing to us that this system is giving us a and it's it's weird to say it this way, but a false sense of security, because that sense of security and knowing what how this system is set against you gives you an excuse not to try your hardest to break that system. So part of the awareness is recognizing that even if these things, these systems aren't in place, to hinder your ability to get ahead, that there are still things that you can do to get ahead and make it easier for the next person that will break that cycle and break that system down so that those things are no longer issues. And that's been done throughout history. That's what the civil rights movement was. That's what the voter ID, the voter laws were the Voter Registration Act, that's what those things did. They broke that cycle of laws that hindered black people, other people from exercising a right. So that struggle continues. And we still have to continue to do that. In order to do that, you have to have the awareness that it does exist. And I guess that's the thing that frustrates me more than anything else in this in this time is that there are those that do not believe that these things exist. And, and so to me, they're in that first stage of, of denial, meaning this doesn't sit with what I already believe, and therefore I'm gonna dismiss it. And I'm only gonna listen to the information that that fits with what I already believe in, there's no growth in that, that place. There's just frustration and sadness and depression and anger because there's no, there's no new information getting in, there's no challenging your current beliefs, there's no growth because there's no friction. And so part of it is that awareness and recognizing that, okay, this does exist and it to me, it needs to that awareness not only needs to happen in the black community, but it also needs to happen in America that that unified awareness that there are systems in place, not just people in place, but systems in place that inhibit bit the growth and the achievement of groups of people. And once we make that awareness, it's not so that people feel guilty, it's not so that I can blame you, for whatever discomfort or have or whatever failures I have, it's so that we can come together and work on solutions. Because if we both aren't looking at the same problem, we can't come up with a solution that will help both. And that's where the education piece is the education piece is talking to people about history, not so that we can rewrite history because this is history, the the, the ability to ignore certain pieces of history, certain negative parts of history, such as what was done to the indigenous people, such as what was done to black people. And to, to ignore that and to minimize that and say, Okay, well, that happened to a bunch of people. But that's not, that's not taking it for what it's worth, that's kind of like saying the same thing with people in abusive relationships and saying, well, there's a lot of people that have been abused that are doing okay, so Buck up and deal with it. No, there has to be a level of recognition of Okay, that should not have happened. That was wrong. And I'm going to say, and stand with you and say that was wrong, that should not have happened. And the only way to do that is we have to recognize what happened to get that. And not about shame, not about guilt, but about moving forward. And the only way to move forward is to recognize where you've been. And that's where the education piece comes in, is re re defining and re evaluating what we are actually educating each other with and going out there and educating yourself about your culture. There's lots of ways for us as black people to go out there and learn our history and learn our culture. So going out there and doing that, as part of it, be it getting the DNA test, or going out in taking a black history course or getting a book, I've been listening to the Invisible Man by Ellison. fantastic book, it's fiction, but it has a powerful point. If you if you ever get a chance to, to check it out, it's a good one. So just these little things that we can do, that are actually big things and moving us for. So that's that awareness, and that's that education, the action is taking a step forward to go, Okay, I'm gonna get out of my comfort zone, and I'm gonna do something, something different, something better something to improve. And I was talking to someone the other day, and one of the things he was saying, he didn't know anything about money and finances and budgeting. So he said, that's one of the things that he's going to target for him and his wife. And also the types of things that we can do is learning more about investments and learning about how to get into 401, KS and how to get into the stock market, learning how to write budgets, those types of things, how to start businesses, and what kind of businesses are available, and how to get financing and, and how to save up if I can't get financing until I can have a track record so that I can get finances, and then how can I help someone else get into this or educate themselves so that they can get better at it. These are all the things that that we can do, as a group that will lift not only us individually, but lift up black people in general. And so I guess I'm gonna conclude with with that, and, and just challenging once again, challenging. Everyone out there, not just black people, but everyone out there. I want to challenge you to, to not only look for information that backs up what you currently believe. But to go out there and look for information that is different, that is new, that has a different spin on it. And you don't have to accept it. But you have to expose yourself to it. And be listening to people from other countries or reading something from another country's perspective of what we're doing or another political party's perspective or talking to listening to I should say not talking listening to someone that has an opposing viewpoint to yours. And those are the types of things that are going to move us forward because, as a friend of mine said, We're going through an election right now that is very divided, meaning we're, there's people on both sides that are very passionate. So no matter what happens, there's going to be a large portion of people that are going to be disappointed, upset, frustrated, however you want to put, there's going to be a group that is going to lose, so to speak. And part of this healing process is going to be how do we take actions to heal? Not just ourselves, but one another? And how do we come together? And that is the goal. And that should always be the goal is how do we work together to improve society, to improve each other's lives, to improve our lives and our family's lives, for generations to come? Because it's not just about us, it's about the people that come after us, be it a family member or a friend or just a co worker, how do we make it better for them so that they don't have to have the same struggles that we have today. So I challenge you to, to do that, to find ways little ways to get involved are big ways to get involved. One of mines is working at the polling sites, eventually, it'll be getting into politics. It'll be starting other locations for children to get involved in something positive, to be mentored to learn a skill to learn something that will improve their self confidence in the decision making process, and to have those places all over the country. So starting those plans now, and working them forward, whatever you can do, get involved and do and help somebody else. So with all that said, I'm going to sign off now. I want to thank you for listening into the peace project. I want to thank you for challenging yourself to, to allow me to speak to you and to listen to what I'm saying. And if you have any questions or comments, please feel free to send me an email at send me an email at the original peace project@gmail.com that's original peace project@gmail.com. And until the next podcast, as I like to say, let's get to work.

Dwayne E. Shigg: 27:39

Anybody can use foundation teaches our youth to step off into life with their best foot forward without cowardice but with courage and dignity. ABC was founded by legendary Light Heavyweight Champion Archie Moore in 1957. He had a heart and passion for helping the youth. He believed if we went into the business of prevention, we could save billions of dollars and millions of lives. He started ABC to teach us the basic ABCs of life. Are you concerned about the world today? Do you want to help train our youth to be the change needed in the world? Join us in the fight for equality in the fight for justice in the fight for our youth. If you would like to help go to www dot abcnews foundation.org that's www dot ABC use foundation.org be well and be blessed.

Unknown: 28:37

Long Way and not to do what I can do all I can do. I'm not afraid of the moment. I'm not afraid to get up in the morning. controllers Show me your opponent's coming opponents.